My personal interesting question: Where did those defining internal conversations that we have come from? The internal stories or voices that we call thoughts, or “just the way we are”. These thoughts that have some of us think we must be homeless or criminals or lazy. Or those thoughts that have us eat things that are clearly not supportive of our health. Or those thoughts that tell us we cannot do math, or learn another language or develop a new career. Where do these thoughts come from?
I clearly remember being 11 years old in 1957. I wanted to be cool, like Marlon Brando and play pool with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. (which, after 39 years of smoking, I was never able to do). I also knew that if I had a kick-start motorcycle I would be cool. I eventually did get a kick-start motorcycle like Marlon. And I was never able to successfully smoke while cruising on that Triumph either. But I tried.
That cigarette habit, generated by an 11 year old’s thoughts can be just as murderous as a serial killer. That voice that tells us we don’t need to exercise and can eat or drink whatever we want. These would be murder mysteries within ourselves are worth investigating.
I have investigated the cigarette voice. I found the culprit and stopped smoking 16 years ago. The culprit was an 11 year old that wanted to be cool. And started keeping secrets. Amen.
I have managed to solve the mystery of daily exercise. Of why I did not get up and exercise each day for my own well being. I now realize that my thoughts and feelings in that arena are not my friendliest thoughts. So I have the thoughts and feelings when I wake up and then take contrary action anyway. I get up and exercise first thing regardless of how I feel. And I feel better. And get to stay and feel younger.
I am 72 years old, you understand.
My big murderous mystery currently is how come I have such a small practice and career. When I discovered the story of why I don’t dance I realized that I am too afraid to admit how afraid I am to tell someone else what to do. Even to the extreme of leading a lady in a dance. Or hiring a secretary or associate or building my practice. I love what I do; am very, very good at it. I have a great one-man practice and unless something changes I will never retire. For sure I’ll die, but not retire. There is no one to take over my practice and I am not in a position financially to stop. Besides I really like what I do anyway.
However this business of reluctance to teaching and growing is a mystery worth investigating. My justifications and rationalizations are not valid anymore. This doesn’t have to be “just the way I am”. I really wish I could blame my horoscope or my genes. Or even my upbringing and 19 addresses. Or maybe it’s the government’s fault. Maybe it’s solar flares or Aliens. Probably none of these. I may have to succumb to the possibility that I have done all this to myself. And probably for good reasons at the time I decided to be this way. When I can own my life completely as it is then I have some power to change something. We’ll see.
Old dogs can learn new tricks. They just don’t want to learn.
I am currently learning to juggle. No mystery there. This is simply practice. 72 years old remember. I need to repeat this about my age as I often do not believe it myself.
But growing and learning to lead people? Not so easy for me. Like quitting the nicotine habit.
What comes to your mind about your life? Any big questions about the mystery of your personal frustrations?
Dr Jim Dohn Hellerwork, DC