Day 10 of isolation from Covid 19 test protocol. Feeling sad, just sad. Went through boxes of old family pictures, many of grand and great grandparents I do not know. And, of course, my adventurous family of origin; Ramona High School, Viet Nam, rock and roll, marriage, children, schooling, searching for sanity and stability.
Age 76 still searching. Tears well up then subside and then my mind takes over and says “man-up” and get present. Do something for somebody else and you’ll feel better, sad or not.
So I call people and listen. Most everyone else I know has plenty more to feel sad about at this age. Everyone’s grief is fueled by unfulfilled expectations and subtle regrets. The symptoms of Covid disappeared for me a week ago yet the test still tests positive….so I get to wallow a bit in myself for awhile longer. And compare myself to others as compassionately as possible.
I have believed that we may create our own lives..the good, bad and ugly. Maybe even we choose our parents and our difficulties for some reasons we may never get to know.
So much of our behavior is driven by unconscious or unknown drives or experiences from our past. They will always be there for our compassion to accept.
When I embrace and work to some future then I feel better…….
My job this life-time is to provide vibrant health and radiant well-being for everybody…..even when grief is present.
The tears of regret are easily washed away by the tears of joy for a future of vibrant health for all of us.
My body likes the tears, either way and I get to be present.
Underneath all of us is perfect expression of life, whether we feel like it or not. My job is to recognize that perfection in both of us.